Counting Down

We have just 3 more days to go.  Last Monday, as I hug my family goodbye at the airport, I was empowered by the strongest surge of sadness.  It may sound silly to some, but it really upsets me a great deal for not being able to see them for the next 6 mths.  Sigh...

I have been feeling pretty lost and scared for the past week or so.  Am I going to face the four walls daily till the hubby comes home from work?  Will I really turn into an old haggard housewife?  Will I slip into depression?  Will I become a loner with the hubby as my only friend?  Et ceteras...  Too many fearful and disheartening questions are wearing me out.  

On a lighter note, I have been invited to an interview by the school!  Wish me all the luck coz I need it badly, and pray for me!  I have intentions to do abit of voluntary work too when I'm there.  That's becoz I think I need to atone for my gossiping sins.  Hahaa...  But of coz the main reason is to ensure that I spend my time fruitfully.  I wish to come back as a better person with more insights of life, even if I do not get to further my studies.  I reckon since I am oredi going to lag behind my peers in terms of career, I should at least try to lead a more meaningful life for the next 18 months.  All these are possible only if I have the emotional strength and courage to venture out in the wild alone;so, remb to pray for me!

  • Current Music
    I Just Can't Get You Out of My Head- Kylie Minogue

Internal struggle

I don't wan to sleep.  If i were to sleep, time will pass in a breeze.  I'm moving out in less than 10 hrs time.  I need to savour every single second I have left in our matrimonial home.

As I pack our last few belongings, I wept silent tears.  I just can't bear to see strangers invading my house; the very first home we built together.

If i were to say no to the States, if i were not so complacent in my job, I would not have to go thru this grief.  Is this regret or is it "one is never satisfied with wat he has"?  Mebbe its too early to tell if i'd made e right choice, so for now it's probably regret.

I will miss the place we called Home.

As i started to put bits n pieces of our home into boxes, i am gradually overwhelmed by sadness and fear.  While we busied ourselves with the wrapping, moving, arranging, and finally boxing things up, our home is looking more like merely an empty shell.  After 3 nites of massive packing, I turned my head around, with searching eyes, checking what other important/ bulky items needs to be boxed up.  Suddenly, a surge of melancholy overtook me.  We are about to abandon the lovenest we painstakingly built together over 6 months.  What is going to happen to our cosy home?  Which weird strangers are occupying our place?  Whose hands will be all over my almost brand new furniture?  OMG, i cant think beyond that.  I feel sick.  I am depressed.  I tried to dissuade Shawn into not renting out our place, but to no avail.  "Is S$40k that important, esp at the expense of having strangers roaming freely in our almost brand new home?" i asked.  Of coz the Martian answered yes.  To hell with a brand new car 18 mths later.  I dunnit a better performance car nor a more branded one.  I am satisfied with my current Mazda or its league.  The Venus very much prefer to keep the house empty and as it is for the next 18 mths, and come back to the old trusty mazda thereafter.  Somehow within me, i am half hoping to get a good tenant who is willing to pay $2600pm for rental, while the other half of me is hoping nobody wans our place and we can juz leave it vacant.

I am also worried about my life ahead in the States.  With all the initial excitement and enthusiasm gone in a flash, the lonliness and fear is creeping in.  I foresee a lonely figure drifting about within the cold hard bricks, lost and hungry for the laughters and gossips.  I am surely going to miss out alot.  

Food, my fav spicy local food.  i shall haf my 6 mths worth of local food all stuffed within the next 4 wks.  

Oh, and i juz realised i haf exactly 4 more weeks to our departure date, should we leave on the 3rd or 4th of July.  Sigh....

God, I prefer to be accepted by the college than to self-study.  Please do make my prayer come true.
  • Current Mood
    melancholy melancholy

Prayers

Dear Lord, the only thing i pray for now is to get a place in WUSTL.  I ask that You create another miracle for me, please. I am sorry fo all the wrongdoings in the past.  I promise I shall gossip less.  I will spend more time worshiping You, the almighty One.  Just one more miracle...

Amen

The Matrimonial Flat Log

We got the keys to our house in mid January. Official reno work started immediately after the CNY. Here are the pics before the reno, and now, durig the course of it.



"The Bars to a Happy Marriage"



We're in the house!



View from the living hall. The studyroom is on the left (red arrow), which is to be hacked off to make way for the bar and the dining for entertaining.

Latest Updates


The studyroom is gone for good! See how spacious our living hall is now.  Flooring has been layed.  I love the balcony tiles the most!  And yes, that was me inspecting the house in the foreground.  Tsk tsk.

  
The kitchen and service balcony tiles has been layed too.  


And there!  Our master bedroom.  Two rooms combined into one.  See the wall between the original MBR and BRM1 is now gone too!  Notice the cemented door-frame?  We sort of re-configured the entire MBR, hacked off the original MBR door and shifted the new door out to make the MBR a more regular shape and of course bigger as well.  The room you see on the right will be our AV room.  But the guys had given it a name even before we had started the reno.  It shall be the E.R.  Entertainment Room painted black with red cinema chairs.  Quite ghostly i thought, but the Fiance insisted that it shall be posh.  

We have just decided to dump in more $$ to use the exhorbitantly priced granite as bar and kitchen tops.  It's more than twice the price of solid surface, the material originally chosen.  But since we can't find a nice coloured solid surface top to match the theme we wanted, we decided to part with an additional 2 grand.  Sigh....  Have been hunting high and low for a grand 1.8m dining table to match the victorian dining bench we are having, but have been fruitless till date.  We have been toying with the idea to get the contractor to use granite, yet again, for a custom-made table if we still can't find one in another month's time.  But i hope we really don't have to resort to spending more unneccessary $$.  Headache headache.....

Just paid another $1k+ as a deposit for a sofa set yesterday.  It's a great steal, considering the original set from Italy cost FORTY-FIVE GRAND and we paid a meager of a fraction of that only.  A designer piece we both adored the minute we set our eyes on, but at a very affordable price, truly.

Now the bed.  Still can't decide to spend almost $3k on the luxurious bedframe we saw in parkmall, or use the money on a pretty wallpaper to doll up the room and buy a cheaper ordinary bed.  Sigh....  $$$$$$....  i wish we had more budget.  I WISH!

A new beginning is about to start!

We've collected our keys to our matrimonial apartment! Yippe!!! Had a small "开门仪式" with angbaos, coins, oranges & a pineapple. Brought my parents to the flat yesterday and they had only praise for our unit. Though it has abit of afternoon sun, amazingly it's actually quite breezy. My other half and I like the squarish layout cum lots of light brightening the entire place up. Renovation is to start next monday, after our "动土仪式" this Saturday. The interior designer said we should be able to move in around mid-April. We can't wait! However, though we have more or less decided on the theme and design of our flat, we are still toying with ideas how we want the walk-in wardrobe to be and to use what material for the bar top. And our bed! To make-to-measure my desired bedframe or juz buy a bed off the shelf? I wish we have had more money to play around with...

Updates

We've finally paid a deposit to our desired hotel for our wedding banquet. Will still stick to my Opulet Desire theme though parents don't really approve of having black as one of the 2 main colours in our theme. May consider buying some red crystals n ribbons to dress up the black chairs.

Had decided on which designer to use for the gowns and the photographers and videographer for both the photoshoot and actual day, but yet to make our way down to pay the deposits. Still considering if we should have both the Bali and local shoots for our photo albums though. It's between having a 40-pg Bali + 20-pg local album, and 2 20-pg or more local albums. Of coz the latter will enable us to save lots and to go Europe for our honeymon, but I am still contemplating if I shd settle for honeymoon in NZ for the Bali shoot. My guy opted for the latter without saying coz he wanted so much for us to have a long honeymoon in Europe. Sigh... why can't I have both the Bali shoot AND the Europe trip???

Meeting up with the interior designers really sapped up lots of our time. Each meeting lasted around 2 hours, some up to 3. We've seen at least 5 for the first appointments, some for the 2nd, and many more appointments to go for each ID. Not forgetting having to shop for the electrical appliances, furnitures and deco really left us no time for anyone and anything else. Feel so worn out, having to prepare for both our big day and our flat concurrently. Lucky I have my parents, relatives and friends who constantly share good deals with us. Going to help us save lots I hope.

Nevertheless, my precious has made me feel so much more treasured and loved for each of the unduanting steps that we are taking.

Extremely Overwhelmed

Firstly, I will like to commemorate this special date, 11/11/06. This is the day my beloved finally proposed with my long-awaited rock! Hee... I was indeed immensely surprised, as I thought the proposal will only come next January or so. Very touched by his sweet gestures too. And so now I know why the sudden need to do OTs for the past weeks. I know I'm getting mushy, but still there is a need to say "I Love You Baobei!". This is for the proposal and for the rock! =P

Rewind back to the past few days....

We went for the WIS exercise at HDB on Monday. Humphrey was kind enough to inform me abt the exercise early in e morning and even took a queue no. for us, while we both struggled to negotiate for time off fm work later in e noon to submit our application. 686 was our lucky no. Our initial plan was to purchase a 5-room flat in Punggol. However quite sadly by our allocated appointment date, all the countless 5 & 4-rooms units we shortlisted were grabbed by the 687 applicants before us. Thus we ended buying an executive apartment on Friday morning. But it's all by the works of God! Truely, I thank God all the shortlisted units were sold and we ended up buying this awesome unit. I marvel at the decorous layout, the unblock (though limited) view and the size of the house. Best of all, I have my best friends Rachel & Ashley staying near me! Yes, I still can't contain my happiness. I have the urge to scream in ecstasy whenever the thought of us being co-homeowners surfaces! YEEAAHH!!!

And now looking at my rock, I have the sudden compulsion to drive down to give him another bear hug!

Still extremely overwhelmed... and intoxicated with glee...


On a side note, we have more or less decided on holding our wedding dinner in InterContinental Hotel. Photographer shall be Andrew Choi. Shortlisted afew bridal studio and will start visiting them come this 25th with Ash (I can't wait!). Bridal Veil by MichelleHuimin & Ted Wu are on the top of my list. The only problem is the date. We still can't decide between September or December 07. This, I think we will still need more time. Argghh...
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

Gloomy PH

I've so much to say, yet I do not know where to start from.
There're are too many things I want in life, yet I do not know how to earn for them.
Life could have been better in many ways, but I am clueless when it comes to making improvements.
Sigh..... I just wish God could just drop all my desires at my feet.
I wish I had more endurance and faith to just bite e bullet n continue in e long tormenting race.

I hate to work. I love the money work brings me.
I hate silences. I love solitude.
I hate all the plannings. I love it when you plan with me.
I hate lonliness. I love being left alone at work.
I am incoherent.

Lastly, why is it so tough planning for a marriage? Why do we have to make such a conscientious effort to make it perfectly flawless? I am drained......
  • Current Mood
    bored bored